I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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