when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
