Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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