hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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