I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
whose parrot is this?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
