You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
