what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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