i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
