Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize