Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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