I seem to have left my pride at pride
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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