just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
