I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
