Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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