my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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