I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
well you can't waste a boner
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
