Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
