from now on my penis is your penis
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We need to get me chipped asap
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