what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Randomize
