I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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