Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
