Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
handjob tips. give me some.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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