I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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