3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
