My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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