State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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