My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
