No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
