Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize