There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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