I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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