I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Randomize
