Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
