Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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