so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
