I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she was so not down for the gang bang
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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