I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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