You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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