You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
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Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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