Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
