the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
