I think scott just propositioned me for sex
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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