that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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