I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
