I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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