The best revenge is premature balding
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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