Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
