i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Sorry about my life...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
