Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
