i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
