I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
