so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
