if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
