Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
