i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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