I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
