He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
