did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
