Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
