Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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