Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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