dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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