I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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