I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She's just so happy...and so naked.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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