What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
