Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
