the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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