I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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