so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
