if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
