Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
