I don't usually arrange sex via text message
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
