Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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