I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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