Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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