I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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