dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
