are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
