Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
