Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
